A death in the family

I awoke yesterday morning and before I got up I read a sms that was on my phone from Mum. It essentially said my Nanna had died overnight. Although it didn't say that as such, she assumed I already knew. I didn't. We have been expecting it for a while now - but more so over the past month or two. We're all okay. We really lost her 10 years ago when she had a big stroke. After that she just wasn't the same. The personality had been sucked from her and also her quality of life.

My Nanna has six children (my Dad is the second eldest) and I'm not sure how many grandkids there are - but there's a lot. We were all so close to Nanna so I'm thinking the funeral (to be held on Friday 24/4) is going to be a huge tear fest. Tears of sadness and tears of happiness - celebrating the life of someone who was so special to all of us.

I've never been to a funeral. Ever. So, yep, I'm rather scared. Not really sure why, I just am. Scared of saying a final goodbye? Maybe. Scared of the whole tearful procession? Yeah, that too.

Thinking about the death of a loved one also triggered a post of Craig's that I read earlier this year called 'Just another life.' He essentially was getting us to think about our own funeral. What would people say about us? What were our achievements, what were our values were, and the kind of person we were. I'm not sure there'd be too much to say about my life right now.

From what I've heard, my Nanna's funeral is turning into a big family reunion. It's hard to get everyone together when everyone is scattered all over the place: Melbourne, Central Coast NSW, Brisbane and NZ. It'll be sad saying goodbye, for sure, but I'm looking forward to spending time with my family too. Makes you appreciate the amazing opportunity we all have to live in the now and to share a part of ourselves with our family and friends.

I want to throw the floor open to anyone with thoughts on whether I should speak or not? If yes, what do I say? Or do I just stand there and cry for two minutes?

Consistent progress

It's one thing to sit down and write out all your goals and make the action plans, but it's another kettle of fish to put those plans into practice and make quality progress, consistently. Making that consistent progress has been my issue lately so I just did a search for 'progress' on Craig Harper's site and found this article: The progress check. The article refers to the 154 days that, on Aug 7, remained of 2008 calendar year. I'll adapt my responses so I'm referring to the remaining weeks of this financial year (that will bring me/us up to June 30). Also keep in mind that I'm referring to the commitments I made in the Commitment Wall post (9/12/2008) on Craig's site (see below).

Jules said...
* setting non-negotiable behaviours
* no more over-thinking and under-doing, no more procrastinating, no more excuses, no more avoiding hard work
* building confidence
* moving to Melbourne to commence work with Ambulance Victoria as a Graduate Ambulance Paramedic
* building social network; creating new friendships and relationships
* PT [client] at Harpers
* triathlon coaching [client]
* sub 5:30 Melbourne Marathon 2009
* Ironman Western Australia 2009
* start weight: 77.2 kg… goal: 58 kg
* save for house deposit

1. What haven't you done in 2008 that you said you would?
I haven't made much progress with my body goals; I haven't learned my CPG's for work; I'm not doing all my scheduled triathlon training sessions; I'm not training at Harper's; not yet got my savings plan happening

2. Why haven't you done it?
I've been procrastinating, over-thinking, stressing, making excuses for why I shouldn't do what I need to (too tired, no time), put too much pressure on self --> paralyses me and I don't do anything. About the Harper’s stuff – I’ve been uber busy with my new job. Savings plan – I’ve just moved to Melb and got to get on top of a few financial things first (like paying the father back for helping me out with first months rent).

3. How have you sabotaged yourself this year?
See above. Also, I've been living in the future and have been consumed by fear; I don't trust myself.

4. How and when will you stop that?
Stop over-thinking, (stop writing/talking about what I'm going to do) stop waiting for the perfect time (it doesn't exist). Finding the good/positive in I just have to. When? NOW. Today. This minute.

5. Why will it be different next time?
I don't want to live my life like this for another moment. It's such a waste. I'm only hurting myself, and pushing away the people around me who are wanting to help me. No one believes me anymore.

6. Are you communicating effectively and productively with everyone in your world? If not, what do you need to change to produce better results?
Communication is still an issue for me. But I am building confidence in that area. I'm working on it. It's a big part of my new job role so I'll get proficient at it. In time. With practice and experience and some coaching from my Clinical Instructors. "Be confident in what you do."

7. What will you do different (to create different) for the next 154 [?80'ish] days?
Do my training
Eat no crap for an initial 28 day period. (Then for another 28 day period).
Read Eckhart Tolle and start living in the NOW
Stop talking, writing and thinking about all the stuff I’m going to do. Only talk, write about stuff I have done after I’ve achieved something

8. What specifically will you achieve, change, create by the end of this [financial] year (and of course, beyond)?
be 65kg
deposit 15% of my after-tax fortnightly income into my house deposit savings account
have good foundational knowledge of my CPGs and pharmacologies
have an amazing attitude
change my eating habits (no chocolate, no bingeing on yoghurt)
change my lifestyle habits
create a social life

9. In reference to your goals for the rest of this [financial] year, what is the absolute best investment of your time and emotional energy and what do you need to let go of for now?
The best investment of my time I can make is living in the now, and doing what I need to do regardless of how I feel (regardless of the ‘motivation’). I need to let go of my fears and my self-doubts. Get over it! They are only my perceptions. They aren’t real.

10. Are you actually prepared to do what it takes, or do you just like the 'idea' of success?
I'm genuinely prepared to do what it takes. I've had enough of thinking about my best life. I will really start creating it. Being amazing is within the realm of possibility for all of us. Of course we each have a different concept of what is 'amazing' but, it is first and foremost an attitude. Then, it just requires 'doing amazing' things - doing what others most. Being exceptional. Doing stuff when others make excuses. Being consistent with chipping away at our goals so we produce the outcomes we want in our world.

11. What's one thing that you can do right now (okay when you finish reading this) to create instant change on some level (big or small)?
Write up a daily checklist with all my non-negotiables until they all become no-brainers

12. How will you keep yourself accountable and proactive when the motivation 'wears off'? When this post is a distant memory what will keep you doing what you need to do?
Provide Craig Harper with (brief) weekly progress reports
Train with Cherie at Harper's at least once a week
Check in with my triathlon coach and let him know how I'm going – reporting what I have/haven’t done
Enter Ironman Western Australia and book my accommodation stuff = committing financially and therefore giving self a reason to do it (not doing it will no longer be an option)
My Amazing Jules Personal Growth Challenge - give myself weekly challenges/mini-goals

The Amazing Jules Personal Growth Challenge

Background

They’re everywhere now. Body transformation challenges. Most are twelve weeks.

Body for Life Challenge

Body Blitz Body Transformation Challenge

Catch Fitness 20 Week Body & Lifestyle Challenge

Ideal Bodies Online

I actually was all set to enter the Catch Fitness one this year but being New Zealand based they decided at the eleventh hour I was not eligible to enter this year. It’s okay though, I don’t need an official challenge. I can create my own. And I will. I am. Now.

What’s different about my challenge then?

It has no end date. Personal growth is a life-long thing. Creating our best body is too. Once we achieve our desired body composition (body fat) goal, we can develop more strength, endurance, fitness, flexibility. The list is endless. Pick a sport and work on getting better at it.

It's not just about the body stuff. It’s about the head stuff as well and the lifestyle stuff. I have recognised ‘performance gaps’ that need serious work to reach the 'standard' (the standard I set for myself).

It’s about me creating my best life. Contrary to some peoples ideas, this isn’t solely about me being a Paramedic, or about me finishing my first (and any subsequent) Ironman triathlons or about me buying a house, finding a partner and having kids. Creating the outcomes we want in my world is a big part of creating our best life. But it has other components too. We’ll explore them as we go along.

It’s about me getting stuff done. Doing what I need to do. Having some public accountability. I am aware of several people (who will remain nameless) who ‘do not believe me anymore’ so I’ll keep quiet and let my results here tell the story of what’s going on in my world.

It’s about commitment. I have a bazillion goals, and even an action plan but do I actually do it? Am I really committed? Actions speak louder than words every time. In my case, it has been inaction that has spoken louder. Not something to brag about.

It’s about me. And no, the whole world is not about me – I’m referring to the process of change. It requires me to ‘do, think, be and create AMAZING’ - no one can do that for me. I am more than capable. I am intelligent. Not uber-intelligent but intelligent enough.

How is this going to work?

While my Challenge may appear to be something I’ve whipped up in five minutes, it isn't. I’ll give you the heads up now that I’ll be making up the rules as I go and giving myself various mini-challenges (assignments if you like) along the way. It – like me – will be a work in progress. So bear with me while I figure what I’ll be doing! The Chief Judge is going to be me. I’m sure I’ll have others around me who will jump up and comment on what I’m doing (or not). I welcome their input and feedback anytime.

Let's start. Now.

Week 1

1. Read Eckhart Tolle for ½ hr, at least 4 days
2. Record food
3. Minimum of 2.5 L water a day
4. Minimum of 1 hour a day studying, learning, immersing self in Ambulance Victoria Clinical Practice Guidelines (CPGs)
5. 1x 45-60 minute PT session (resistance stuff) OR clinical pilates class
6. Complete 100% of my scheduled triathlon training sessions
7. Do something DIFFERENT – something NEW - something involving OTHER PEOPLE (cannot be a solitary activity)

That will do for now. Don’t want to overwhelm myself. I hope I haven't overwhelmed myself more than I need to! Although I do need to push the accelerator down to the floor as quickly as I can. I keep starting stuff and then activate the ABS as soon as I can. I can’t keep doing that. It’s too risky. (As you know, I’ve been immersed in low-risk driving stuff for the past week). Some of the above is real basic stuff. Non-negotiable stuff. Or what should be non-negotiable stuff by now but clearly isn't.

Some key dates on the horizon

23 Apr My first shift on-road as a Graduate Paramedic

6 May My university graduation. Bachelor of Clinical Practice (Paramedic), Pass with Credit. Anyway, you only graduate with a first Bachelors degree once. Just like you only get married for the first time once. You only have your first baby once.

29 May RYL Two Day Program. I really need to put in some serious work between now and then. Otherwise, let's be honest here and say here is little point me even going if I can't create some serious change in one or more areas of my life in 8 weeks. I'm not talking 'lose 10 kg in one week.' That's unrealistic. But give me 8 weeks and that is a reasonable chunk of time. I need to be able to do what I need to do on my own. Start creating my AMAZING body, career, finances, social life. Others cannot help you if ou cannot help yourself first. It's easier for others to help if you're already doing stuff, and being proactive. I want to meet Sue J and EG and others from Craig's site. But I also need to create change. For me. Social stuff is great, but I need to change.

Some lessons from low-risk driver training

This week I have been hanging out at the CFA (Country Fire Authority - a volunteer organisation) Training Centre in Carrum Downs doing some driver training. I have learned a whole bunch of new things including the low-risk driving model, the nine points of scanning, and calculating and maintaining adequate crash avoidance spaces. It's been a challenging week for me. The normal vehicle that I drive is in the medium sedan category so throw me the keys to an Ambulance and yeah, I'll put my hand up (both hands actually) and say I'm more than a teeny weeny bit scared. Why? It's different. Giddyup - it's not just me, it's 80% of the class (a few of them have done non-emergency ambulance transport for a year or two which gives them a desireable advantage).

What does low-risk driving have to do with creating my best life?

A lot actually, when you join the dots. For example, consider the four components of the low-risk driving model.

1. see the hazard
What are the 'hazards' in your world? Are you eating chocolate and icecream on a (almost) daily basis? Are you over-thinking? Are you rationalising, making excuses? How good are you at 'scanning' all 'nine points' for all the hazards in your world? What are your 'blind spots' (things in an around you) and what about the blockouts (things outside you) that could pose as a barrier to a clear view of your world?

2. recognise how hazards could threaten safety
Have you recognised how the above 'hazards' are sabotaging you creating your best life?

3. make early adjustments in response to hazards
Can you implement early-intervention strategies to prevent a collision with 'another vehicle' or a 'pedestrian'? Take that big foot off the accelerator for starters, set up the break let the poor dude behind you know that you'll be breaking (give him a warning), cover the break so you're ready to break if you need to, 'steer to a safer position' - adjust your speed and position so you're out of harms way and can see more ('change lanes', 'drop back a bit', 'adjust your speed', and finally you might actually need to 'accelerate' to miss something). Don't confuse others. Don't confuse yourself. Make it early and be assertive. JUST DO IT. NOW. AS EARLY AS YOU CAN. BE RESPONSIVE, NOT REACTIVE. It takes thought and planning to be responsive. Being reactive equals panic. Don't live your life like that.

4. respond until it's reasonable to resume normal driving
Okay, so you need evidence before continuing normal 'driving' (living). Is it safe in your world now? Clear of 'hazards'? If yes, then continue on.

The big question about being your own coach

I've just been sitting here this morning (and last night) completing my open book, take home exam. I've got one more question to do. Question 13.

Question 13
When 'Being your own coach', how does criticism effect performance? (20 Marks)

Shit! A 20-marker? They clearly want a lot in this response.

The question triggered some self reflection relating to my inability to be my own coach when it comes to doing what I say I'll do, in doing what I need to do, and in doing what others point out to me that I'm not doing. While sure, it's potentially fabulous and beneficial to have coaches, mentors, instructors and teachers sit beside us what is going to happen in between 'training sessions', 'classes' and the like when they aren't there? It's up to us to take what they've said and put it into practice. But it's more than that. We also have to be our own coach/mentor/teacher too as well as the athlete/student/employee. What I've learned this week in my driver training is aimed at getting us to the point where we can self-critisie and identify what we are doing incorrectly, describing the correct way and then being able to fix it next time. Do you observe yourself criticising others driving performance? It's easy, isn't it. How much do you criticise your own driving? Not so easy. There's something to ponder this afternoon for you 'un-trained' drivers. It is also easy to tell your best friend or fellow work colleauges what they should be doing but when do you tell yourself what you should be doing (and actually do it). We can tell others what to do, but when it comes to us it's hard to be objective. So, what can we do? Remove the emotions out of it and be our own coach and be critical of what we could be doing better, what worked, what didn't.

Summary of lessons learned

How well do you receive feedback?
How well do you give yourself feedback?
How well can you implement the feedback into your day-to-day life?

The key is in point #3. Giving feedback to others is great. But 'they' have to process it and put it into practice. Same goes with giving ourselves feedback - we need to then do the same, otherwise what purpose is it serving? We all know 1 + 1 = 2. But what if we really believed the answer was 15. Wouldn't you like to know where you went wrong and how to avoid making the same mistakes next time? Clearly maths isn't a life/death situation like driving an emergency vehicle can be (or even a normal vehicle). Actually, maths can be a life/death situation. In my role as a Paramedic, I will be administering drugs. Drugs of addiction like morphine. I'm gonna need to get that right. Get the dose wrong (or get the drug wrong) and you can kill a patient and find yourself explaining 'what happened' to the Coroner.

Thanks Ambulance Victoria Driving Standards Team

I will continue to work on improving my own driving and how I live my life. These are both life-long things. Not something you can master in one week. The learning starts after this week, when we use it. "Don't use it. Lose it." Like muscles of our body. They waste away if we don't use it. So too do skills like driving and being our own coach.