100 Small Steps Challenge: The Fourth Week

Day 22: Monday 21 Dec

I guess the arrival of my induction pack in the mail today denotes I am now employed?! Whether I will continue to work with the obsessive compulsive disorder client remains unknown, however there are other clients on the books that I could work with through the agency.

I saw the doctor Tim referred me to this morning, too. We spoke about my dysfunctional sleeping issues, about my upcoming Nepal trek (with regards to the immunisations I'll need) and I requested to have some routine blood tests as it has been over a year since the last lot I had.

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Day 23: Tuesday 22 Dec


In the mail today I received an offer to study a Bachelor of Nursing at Charles Sturt University via distance education. I had applied at the end of October with half a thought to return to uni to finish my nursing degree. I'm still contemplating my decision, but at this stage I'm leaning towards accepting the offer. I really need something to fill my days up with. Whether that be a job and/or study it doesn't really matter. I was going to make 2010 The Year of the Mountains - with me focusing 100% on my preparation for my summit attempt of Mera Peak and have a study-free year. However, I'm now 30 and I'm still largely unconvinced that I am suited to being a paramedic (I could discuss a few of the reasons in another post). I'm thinking I could feel better within myself if I started progressing towards another career option 'just in case' I never return to my paramedic work. To have all your eggs in one basket isn't ideal for anyone. I need to weigh up the cost of studying by distance education in 2010 versus the cost of leaving my nursing studies until 2011 and studying on-campus at Queensland University of Technology (QUT). There are always going to be positives and negatives with all options.

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Day 24 : Wednesday 23 Dec

I did a shift this afternoon with the same obsessive compulsive client as last Wednesday. My shift overlapped with another carer (whom I worked along side last Wednesday) by an hour and a half and after that... I was on my own! HELP! I'm unsure at this stage if I'll be continuing to work with this particular client for reasons I won't discuss here for obvious privacy reasons. I learned a lot though. About the client and also about me. What I learned about me is more important for the purpose of this Challenge. I learned that I can be assertive without getting angry or upset. I know this challenge is about taking 'small steps' - but that was a huge realisation/achievement for me. In the past its been the case more often that not that when I do attempt to assert myself, it ends up in an argument or a tear fest. Neither which are ideal - specially in the workplace. Go me! I'm growing and it's exciting. However, I also learned that not everyone will like everyone. We're all individuals - we're all unique. But then, some people may just not like or connect or get along with anyone due to issues of their own creation - be it because they are stubborn, self-centred, stuck-in-their-ways and/or they don't make an effort (or any combination of the above). There's a bunch of reasons for this paradigm. Interpersonal relations and communication is a two way thing - for it to work, you both have to make it work. Neither party can do 100% of the work and expect optimal outcomes.

** Image sourced from The importance of being assertive **

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Day 25: Thursday 24 Dec

We had our family Chrissy lunch today with my grandparents and my Mum's aunty. It was nothing extravagant or over-the-top - just a nice, relaxing day. The 'small step' I took today was taking all my own food (three meals worth - though one of them was just a Reflex Nutrition protein shake). I was determined to not eat anything extra as I was doing so well with my eating, and have been training so hard that I figured I wasn't prepared to stop what I was doing for the sake of a single day on the calendar that typically spins out to over a week for a lot of people. I know how hard it was to build momentum after a mini (or major) blow out. The psychological impact is perhaps the greatest - the feelings of guilt and of failure for eating so much crap in such a small time frame. So, the best policy is to not go 'off-plan' in the first instance! Too easy. I succeeded, as I knew I would, and it was effortless. I didn't feel deprived or tempted all day. Sure, I love food - but I love feeling amazing better than any chocolate coated anything could ever taste like. And I love feeling fit, strong and lean. The only 'extra' I did consume was three sugar free Double D lollies which is like bugger all, I know!

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Day 26: Friday 25 Dec

Who remembers the two music CD albums I bought Monday week ago? Listening to them in any shape or form was conditional upon me getting down to 75 kg. I had anticipated that they the CDs would be available for my listening pleasure by Christmas. And, what do you know - they sure were! This morning I weighed in at 74.8 kg. WOOP WOOP! I was so happy! It symbolises the end of me playing 'catch-up' as I recall being about 75 kg in the first week of February when I scooted down to Melbourne for a week and had that big mentoring session with Craig Harper. I made him a deal that I wouldn't return to him for another session until I was I think 7 kg lighter - which would have made it 68 kg (which rings a bell). I'm not going to go into what 'could have been' - it's too self-destructive. [Like, sure, I could 'easily' be at my goal weight by now - under 60kg] I focus on the NOW and my next mini-goal: 72.5 kg.

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Day 27: Saturday 26 Dec

As part of my ongoing rehab for my neck/poor scapula control issues, Tim-the-physio has given me three exercises to do AT LEAST three times a day (more is better). They are aimed at improved posture and pectoral (shoulder) girdle position. One of the exercises has be rolling my shoulders in preparation to set my scapula (shoulder blades) and then raise my arms from my side to 90 degrees, horizontal to my shoulder with light resistance. When Tim first had me doing this, I was using 0.5 kg dumbbells (which I must admit I laughed at him when he gave me them in the pilates studio! But he assured me they were enough for me, for now). I graduated from those in my pilates session last Thursday (17/12) and am now using 1 kg dumbbells. I already had a set of 1kg dumbbells at home too! Otherwise, Tim said any weighted object is fine - like a can of baked beans!

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Day 28: Sunday 27 Dec

This morning I installed the Polar Personal Trainer 5 software that came with my RS400 heart rate monitor. I also installed the driver for the infrared USB adapter that I purchased separately and uploaded nine exercise files. When I finally figured it out I quickly discover how amazingly awesome this is. It's so cool - I love it.

100 Small Steps Challenge: The Third Week

Day 15: Monday 14 Dec

I had a busy day today where I was flying in and out all day! I was at the gym at 7:00AM and did some cardio for 1 hr 10 mins (5 mins cross trainer; 2 ½ mins stepper; 3 mins run on tready @ 9 km/hr followed by an hour on the upright bike). I had a job interview at 10:00AM that went for over an hour and a half which I felt was necessary for this position. It would be a disability support worker working with a client with severely debilitating OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and osteoporosis. I’ll be doing a trial/training shift on Wednesday. If both myself and the client is happy with how things went, I’ll be jumping on board to being a regular carer for this client. I have a really great feeling about it. It will require a bucket load of patience and will be challenging, but she’s such a sweet lady. I think I’ll find it really rewarding. After arriving back home after that I ate lunch then headed off to my physio session which was to be the most unpleasant treatment I’ve had to date. “No pain, no gain” I think is the plan of attack now. Tim did some dry needling on me – ie. sticking acupuncture needles right into the muscle and twiddling (a word?) them around and making the overactive muscle twitch. F*#! it hurt. By the end of it I felt like I’d been punched big time in my neck and right scap(ula). Tim informed me that it’ll get worse over the following 24 hours – which is how it has its effect. So, clearly I wont be doing much tomorrow! Got to let it calm down. I went home after physio via the shops and proceeded to spend lots of money. So much for me not bothering about Christmas presents this year. I had so much fun though, and I enjoy thanking people for what they’ve done for me. I’m into adding a bit of a personal touch to my pressies now – what’s the point of having something just sitting there getting dusty? I also found myself lashing out and treating myself too – I bought two music CD’s. I’m really sick of my limited playlist on my original (first generation) iPod Nano. I’m so excited now though. One of the albums I got was Maximum Base Overdrive – a 3CD set of hip hop and dance music mixed by DJ Samrai, Tom Piper & DJ Suae, and the other was Lady GaGa’s The Fame Monster. Refer to my 'Teasers of a Different Kind' post to see why I haven't yet listened to either of them.

After doing some shopping, I swung by the park that Gav, my PT, runs the weekly outdoor training session to say hello. I wasn’t going to train – I was too sore (as I knew I would be after physio) and Gav is being quite firm with me to not train twice a day for a couple of weeks while we get on top of my sleeping issues. I also gave him the heads up that Tim doesn't want me doing any upper body stuff with weights in my PT session on Wed morning. I was thinking that maybe I would have to cancel it, but Tim said “cardio and lower body stuff is ok – so you can’t get out of that one [PT]. With any squats you to with weight make sure its with a weight plate and hold it across your chest.” Gav said that he’s already planned an awesome session for me for Wednesday and its got no upper body in it. “It’s for your hike.” YAY! Everyone is being so supportive of my commitment to summit Mera Peak in Sep 2010. Gav is going to have me fit and strong and Tim is working on climbing-specific stuff with me in the pilates studio too (in addition to a lot of stuff geared at improving my scapula control). I’m so excited!

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Day 16: Tuesday 15 Dec

I know my 30th birthday was Sunday week ago (on the 6th), but we hadn’t got around to having a cake and a party because my parents and I went down to Surfers for the afternoon. On the Sunday just gone, I made a Lite Mixed Berry Cheesecake to have as my birthday cake. I adapted an ‘Extreme Lime Cheesecake recipe’ I had made some weeks ago – so instead of ¼ lime juice and rind I put in 100g of frozen mixed berries, and instead of lite lemon/lime jelly I used lite raspberry. It looked really pink! As you can see here. I wasn’t going to have any at all, but I ended up having the tiniest slither. And it was really yummy – the chunky berries in it were really good. When I was up at Coles this morning, I got some party food too – for the others to have. I must say, I felt like a fish out of water in the confectionary aisle and the sweet biscuit section and the potato crisps section! I really do feel like a reformed eater now. I’m unsure if I’m more guilty about admitting I used to frequent the confectionary aisle every day or more proud that I no longer need to. Or want to. Just for ‘old times sake’ I found my hands pluck my favourite Bounty chocolate bar. It’s a tribute to me because I honestly used to buy one or two of them and eat them both instantly, one after the other. I know Mum likes coconut things too, and Dad has a sweet tooth and will eat anything with sugar in it or coated in chocolate so they can cut it up and share it amongst them. (I took a photo of the bounty too!) It was an amazing feeling being so unemotionally attached to something that I once used to be so dependant on. I really feel I have overcome the need/want for anything sweet. How did it happen? It all comes back to being committed to my goals: my Nepal trek/summit climb… and there’s one other than I’m on the verge of releasing into Blog World! Stay tuned.

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Day 17: Wednesday 16 Dec

This afternoon I did my first trial/training shift as a disability support worker, working with a client with severe obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), anorexia, osteoporosis and scoliosis. Obviously, to protect the clients privacy, I’m not going to say too much more about her ‘case’ but I had a challenging afternoon. It’s a real eye opener when you see real people in the real world (ie. in the community, still living at home) struggling to cope with, for this client, what must be a bunch of debilitating ‘conditions’/illnesses. At university, we may spend all of 20 minutes discussing obsessive compulsive disorder, 5 minutes on eating disorders. It really does not offer real insight into what it must be like living with such illnesses. So, it’s only when you take your nose away from the text books and see it in the real world that you have a relatively tiny idea of the impact such illnesses must have on one’s life. Fact was, I left the clients home with a smashing headache – clearly dehydrated, hot and bothered (mentally as well as physically). One of the many things the client has issues with is dust – so of course, no doors or windows are allowed to be opened. As someone who had only spent a few hours with this client, I could see she clearly looked dehydrated, hot and bothered too! I wasn’t surprised one lil’ bit given her environment. One pissy pedestal fan just doesn’t do much when there is no outside air flow coming in. At the very least, she needs at least three ceiling fans. But, I somehow doubt the Department of Housing would deem that as necessary. Although, from an OH&S perspective, they really ought to. Because, it sure ain’t easy to change someone’s beliefs when they have OCD, just like it wouldn’t be easy trying to get a teenage girl with an eating disorder to believe that she isn’t fat, and that eating a chicken salad and an apple wont cause her to gain 10kg instantly. It is really sad seeing these people live like this. Really, really sad. They are complex illnesses that are difficult to understand and difficult to treat.

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Day 18: Thursday 17 Dec

Here are my new Pilates ToeSox that I ordered from HF Industries. They arrived at 2:30PM via an Australia Post courier – he must have known I had a pilates class at 4:00 this arvo! I was so happy that I got them before my class. I got a black pair and a white pair. I wore the black pair tonight. Tim laughed at them “what are these? They’re funny” and proceeded to tickle my toes! And I said they have a special grip on them too and showed him “I always feel like I’m going to slip – now I wont.” They weren’t cheap ($22 a pair!) but gee I love them. They’re like mittens for your feet. They’re awesome. I say Tim should sell them at his physio/pilates clinic!

As you may be rapidly realising, I’ve been investing a reasonable amount of cashola into my health, fitness and personal growth. What I’m sowing now I will reap rewards for many, many years to come. So, I’m by no means (at this particular point in time at least) stressing about this initial outlay. After each of my physio sessions when I settle the account, I’m asked by the receptionist “are you in a private health fund?” and of course, I reply “no.” However, over the past week or so I’ve actually replied a little differently. “No, not yet but I’m thinking about it.” And it has been the lovely Nicole at Tim’s Birkdale clinic who has prompted me to research it half-seriously. She said on Monday that some of the funds are waiving the two month waiting period for particular services – of which, physiotherapy is one normally with a two month waiting period. “Which for you at the moment could be good.” Thanks cheeky Nicole! Although suffice to say you’re very observant as I’ve been in there 1-2 times a week for the past four weeks now with this ongoing neck/scapula issue and I’ve recently restarted my studio pilates with Tim as well! Anyway, I finally decided to join Australian Unity today on their Comprehensive Extras option. (I’ll think about adding hospital as I approach my 31st birthday, but I can’t see the point now).

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Day 19: Friday 18 Dec

Keeping a daily food diary has easily become a non-negotiable for me – just like brushing my teeth is. I’ve been diligently using a template that Gav, my PT gave me – an A4 page that I’ve been photocopying and writing everything I eat in by hand. I’ve changed and added a few things to suit me – like, I added a column for ‘QTY’ so I can clearly see how much of each thing I’m having and a column for ‘h:mm’ to indicate the duration of my training sessions. But, to be honest, I’ve been less diligent about calculating the number of calories I’ve been eating each day, and tallying up the macronutrients (fat, protein and carbs). What I’m currently doing is good, but having the other info would be better. So, this morning, at the absurdly early hour of 3:30AM (I woke at 2:50) I turn my computer on and open up www.CalorieKing.com.au with the intent of starting to input my food so I can have a concrete idea of how much I’m eating and what my fat, protein and carbs add up to at the end of the day. What catches my attention first up? The banner at the top of the page saying: ‘Check out our amazing Nutrition & Exercise Manager desktop software, now 50% off!’ I’ve thought about getting the desktop version before. But here is my golden opportunity to take advantage of a great offer. I don’t delay and whip out my wallet and place my order. Yipee! I was even more delighted to see that they have just put out a new edition of the software… and now you can group snacks between meals. In the online edition they group all snacks at the end of the day and I get really annoyed by that. I’m (more than) a little excited! It is now only $22.48 so if you’re interested, hop to it now! I love CalorieKing because it is Australian and uses the most updated food database. *I love this desktop software so much better than the online version. It’ll just take a bit of time to save my ‘favourite foods’ into it again. I’m going to trial eating 1600 calories a day and see how that goes. Don’t ask me what I have been averaging as I wont be able to tell you! Naughty me.

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Day 20: Saturday 19 Dec

Disaster struck this morning when I scrapped the tub clean of my protein powder. I usually have four scoops with my oats for breakfast and there was only just two scoops. So, it was off to see Paul again at Healthy Habits – Gav sent me to him a few months ago. I’ve been using REFLEX NUTRITION Instant Whey – I get the choc mint and choc orange flavours and really like it. They are easy to drink – quite thin. Paul was out of the choc orange, so I got a 2.27 kg tub of choc mint. I’m going to aim at having three scoops twice a day as I think I have a bit too much of it on some days. Gav has been on my case to go back and see him for something for my ongoing sleeping issues. Gav said he sent his brother to see Paul some time ago and what he gave him worked. It’s worth a try and if not, its only $60-$70 that I’ve ‘wasted.’ Paul suggested I try the ULTIMATE NUTRITION GABA – Gamma Amino Butyric Acid. I’d rather something natural than a prescription or over-the-counter medication. I’m not going back on tranquilisations or sedatives. Been there, done that. Not for me. I feel so seedy and groggy and yuk when I wake the following morning.

Having said the above, I did book an appointment to see a doctor about my sleeping and also to get a routine blood test to check a few things out (blood sugar, iron, Vit B12, thyroid function etc). I’d be happy with a referral to a sleep specialist. The doctor I’m seeing was one Tim, my physio, suggested was good – ‘she’s young and quite progressive.’ Sounds good to me, thanks Tim.

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Day 21: Sunday 20 Dec

I’ve been getting increasingly ‘frustrated’ by my lack of anat & phys knowledge when Tim identifies particular muscles of my neck and pectoral (shoulder) girdle that are weak and/or dodgy (knotty!) or being naughty (ie. bad posture). So, out comes the anatomy colouring book (don’t laugh – it’s really cool!) and the anatomy and physiology text in order to get educated! Besides, I’ve been chatting with Tim over the past month about returning to my paramedic work. I’d join QAS (Queensland Ambulance Service). So, there’s no time like the present to start reviewing stuff, right? It’s good when you’re the one in control of your learning, opposed to being surrounded by deadlines and assignments and exams. I’m working on my preparation for the QAS fitness testing. But, because of my Nepal trek/climb, I’m not sure when I’ll apply. The application process is lengthy, so maybe I’ll see how I’m travelling with my personal stuff (confidence, decision making, assertiveness etc) by mid-year. I’m sure there’ll be no issues with my physical fitness and strength by then! How is this contributing to my physical, mental or emotional health? I’m getting educated about my muscular weaknesses AND I am working towards re-entering the paramedic profession after my short stint with Ambulance Victoria this year.

This Year I Learned...

It sounds like the segment on ROVE, hey!

** Love you ROVE - and missing you and your Team already!**

This post was inspired by Craig Harper's current post titled 'What I've Learned (and re-learned) in 2009'. As I finished writing my comment, I realised that it was both unfair and inappropriate for me to post it in its entirity. So I posted a concise version on Craig's blog and have posted the complete version here.

"I learned that you might say and believe you're ready for something, but you clearly aren't."

I thought I was 'ready' to be a paramedic, but clearly I wasn't. It was the ultimate wake up call that I still have a looooong way to go in terms of building my confidence, developing my decision making skills, being an effective communicator and being the one 'in control.'

"I learned that if you jump into something on full gas, you get injured and it creates issues and can end up being quite costly."

Doing too much training too soon, without the recommended progressive build up after... ummm.... 6 months of essentially doing bugger all exercise resulted in the onset of neck pain which has subsequently highlighted my poor scapula control (related to what must be years of poor posture). Seven physio sessions later I'm still 'messed up'! :(  That isn't a reflection on Tim, my physio, at all. It is a reflection on the whole set of circumstances/contributing factors. I'm improving. The pain is just jumping around and changing. You live and learn, that's all I'll say. This was a big lesson!

"I learned that when you do what you need to do CONSISTENTLY, WITHOUT EMOTIONAL ATTACHEMENT, you create positive, lasting change, you look and feel amazing and you walk around and talk like you really are happy and content."

I've been training with Gav, my PT, for 2x 45 min sessions a week since Sep 29. I've been keeping an honest food diary - that is, of EVERYTHING, every day and not just every 3rd day or when I'm 'good' - since Oct 19. I've now desensitised myself from needing/wanting the bad shit - a.k.a high carb, high fat, high sodium, high sugar crapola commonly found in chocolate, icecream, fast food places and bakey foodstuffs. I feel so damn good, Craig. Sure I have a long way to go yet but I just need to keep doing what I'm doing and I WILL MAKE IT "THIS TIME." How? BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO STOP TILL I GET THERE! GO ME!

"I learned that when you stop moving (interstate/intrastate) you actually start to develop close friendships and start to create things in your life that you love partially because of the people you share it with, not just because you love/enjoy the activity or thing."

My new passion is DANCE - the Les Mills BODY JAM way. I love the class, but I love the people who teach it and I love the participants I jam with! It doubles as a funky cardio workout and a social thing.

"I learned what true commitment looks, smells, tastes, feels and sounds like."

On Oct 13 I committed, financially (via a $1,000 deposit) to joining a mountaineering expedition in Nepal - a 24 day trek and summit climb of Mera Peak at 6476m. It's not just about the money though. It's about committing to it with your heart and soul and living and breathing what it is you have committed to. It's the most amazing thing to be truly committed. Try it for yourself and you be the judge.

"I learned that there are people out there who care about me and who want to see me create lasting change and become a better person."

My parents are amongst them, of course. Craig - you are too. Chezzy, my future mountain guide and team mate, Gav, my PT. And Tim, my physio is yet another - who I may add is really keen to see me get back to my paramedic career sometime soon. You're all so awesome and I want to thank you for sharing my journey to creating my best life.

Teasers of a Different Kind: A System of Rewarding Discipline

I used to get teased a lot when I was a kid. But this is not what this is about. It’s about discipline. And rewarding self for ones achievements.

I’ve decided I’m going to reward myself for every 2.5kg lost. Yes, I know it isn’t all about the (scale) weight – but it does serve as an indication of progress towards one of my key goals that I am committed to achieving in the first half of 2010.

The first target has been set to 75.0 kg. And my ‘teaser’ – the carrot I’ve dangled in front of my face (quite literally) is two CD music albums. I bought them on Monday afternoon but they will remain in their Sanity bag and out of my stereo, my computer (via iTunes) and iPod until such time that I reach 75 kg. I’m nearly there too – I was 75.5 kg this morning. So, it looks likely it’ll be available for my listening pleasure by Christmas.

How can I be so strong, you ask? Easy. Like I said before, it just comes back to discipline. Sure, I could easily whack the new CD’s into the CD player and put them onto my iTunes and iPod, but I’m not, because this is a commitment I’ve made to myself. And I don't want to hear about 'will power.' It's about discipline and focus and commitment. Will power might save you for 5 mins but beyond that its bullshit.

It was my 30th Birthday Sunday week ago (on the 6th) and the dinner I had on that day at Montezuma’s has been the only ‘cheat’ meal I’ve had since Monday 19 October when I recommenced keeping a daily food diary (that’s writing in it every day, not every third day or when I’ve been ‘good’). On the Tuesday just gone, I put together a little party for my family – nothing over the top, just some basic party food with the favourite thing for each of my family (Mum: licorice allsorts, vanilla and strawberry wafer biscuits, Dad: marshmallow snowballs, my brother: cheese flavoured corn chips and sundried tomato and French onion dips). And I even made my own cake on Sunday - a Lite Mixed Berry Cheesecake. The chocolate ‘happy birthday’ plaque is from the mini mud cake I bought my parents from Michel’s for their wedding anniversary. Honest – I really did make the cheesecake, it wasn’t a Michel’s one! Though it looks pretty damn good if I must say so myself! I had a teeny weeny slither with my family at the party on Tuesday and it was really nice. It was very pink! The chunky berries really made it.

I’m still giving thought to my 'schedule' of subsequent rewards. Here is my draft one:

75.0 kg – two CD music albums

72.5 kg – Lorna Jane top (one only, Jules!)

70.0 kg – DEXA scan at Body Composition Australia which involves a trip to Sydney. I’m going to go with Sarah who also wants one when she gets to 70kg.

67.5 kg – VO2 max bike test at UQ (University of Queensland) or QUT (Queensland University of Technology)

65.0 kg – Garmin GPS (for running)

62.5 kg – TBA

60.0 kg – TBA

57.5 kg – glamour photo shoot

* Body fat composition to be assessed at (around) 57.5 kg

A few other thoughts that spring to mind are:

Facial (I've never, ever had one)
½ head of foils and my hair cut and straightened
Nike shoes from Harbour Town (Gold Coast) – I want some funky flat boots for BodyJam
Flexibility Highways – a DVD by Chuck Wolf
LIVE STRONG cycling shorts and jersey

It's important to work hard, but it's also important to enjoy what you've created and achieved.

100 Small Steps Challenge: The Second Week

Day 8: Monday 7 Dec

“I’m going to strap your shoulder blades together today” says Tim, the physio. “Is that to teach them to be good?” I asked. “Yes – they’re being naughty. It’s teaching them to be in a better position. It’s for postural correction." When I feel it pulling it means I’m rolling my shoulders inwards. So, here I am, my scapulae strapped. Nice work, Tim!

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Day 9: Tuesday 8 Dec

I love Tuesdays. Tuesday nights, in particular. At 7:30PM I hit the dance floor (err, the group exercise studio) and Jam for an hour! WOOP WOOP! Here we all are – the Tues night Wynnum Fitty First Jammers. Big shout out to Rach, Jazz and TK. How special did I feel when Jazz shouted out to me a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR SUNDAY, JULIA” during the warm up track? Luv you tons, Jazz! … and YAY – Rach, was so good to have you back teaching on stage, honey. I missed you. We all missed you. And thanks to you too for dedicating the track titled ‘My house’ to me. “This song is dedicated to Julia who woke up at 4:30AM and this song was in her head!” Luv you tons, Rach. You’re the Real McCoy of the Jammin’ World! Yes, yes, and I luv you too, TK! You rock! Jamming contributes to my mental health – it really does give me so much joy. I have so much fun. I was never into the going out clubbing thing, so this for me is like going out! It turns into a social thing too – I stay and chat with the Rach, Jazz and TK and a few other regulars, although tonight I didn’t stay for too long as I was really tired and needed to get to bed for some much needed rest.

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Day 10: Wednesday 9 Dec

I had PT with Gav yesterday morning at 9:30 and it didn’t take a brainiac to observe I wasn’t doing very well. I was stalling at every opportunity. I’d be talking to Gav and mucking around. I burned a grand total of 250 calories in our 45 min session. Like that is shithouse for me. I usually burn around 500-600. I was struggling for sure. Gav gave me the ‘overtraining’ pep talk not to punish me, but because he cared and was concerned that I’ll lose my passion for the gym and my training and/or get a nasty injury. I don’t want either, so thanks tons, Gav. You’ve been the best thing that’s happened to me for a long time. Anyway, the take home message from the pep talk yesterday was that it’s important I get to bed at 8:30PM each night. I’ve been going to bed at 9:30-10:00 and typically waking at 4:00AM. So, instead of fighting the early start, we need to work around it so that I get adequate rest and recovery time by going to bed earlier. And, here it is, a picture of the kitchen/dining room clock at 8:30PM. It actually didn’t happen last night as I was stubborn and went to my 7:30PM Jam class. It didn’t happen tonight either as I was grilling 3kg of chicken breast fillets in the George Foreman Grill. It really needed cooking. I also was gathering stuff together for my day at Sea World tomorrow. Time just got away, you know…

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Day 11: Thursday 10 Dec

Yes, so hear I am, back at Sea World. Last Thursday I had my Lifeguard interview which I was unsuccessful with. However, on Tuesday Sam, my bestie (best friend), calls me and says she has two (free) tickets that she was given by a random person at work who was going to be unable to use them on the specified day (Thurs 10 Dec). “Do you want to come?” AHHHHH – hell yes, I do! I rescheduled my Thurs 4:00PM studio pilates class to Fri at 4:00PM and couldn’t put a lid on my excitement in anticipation of spending the day with Sam on Thursday at Sea World! And, to be honest, because I hadn’t forked out nearly $70 for the ticket, I was more excited about spending the day with Sam than Sea World! We had a ball though. The highlight would have had to have been the Imagine Dolphin Show… and also seeing Huddy (Hudson) feeding. Everyone say “awwww – cute!” Sam had to leave the Theme Park at 3:30PM to get to her PT session at the gym at 4:30PM but I hung around and lined up on a couple of rides and browsed the Gift Shop and spent lots of money! Thanks tons, honey, for a magical day. Sam paid for my $5 entry into the Water Park and also for my lunch – a yummy chicken, salad and sun-dried tomato wrap, and also a bottle of water. You’re so sweet – love you so much.

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Day 12: Friday 11 Dec

Yesterday was my parents 37th Wedding Anniversary. Congratulations, Mum and Dad! This is the individual mud cake I got for them at Michel’s Patisserie on my way home from Sea World last night. It had a chocolate template with Happy Birthday written on it. But I whipped that off and placed four heart candles that I had found in a discount store, and two bee shaped icing decorations from a Pooh Bear collection I found in the cake decorating section in Coles Supermarket. I had got a blank card in the newsagent on Wednesday too, with ‘On Your Special Day’ on the front and some yellow flowers. Inside I wrote the following quote that I found from a website

Love is like water
We can fall in it
We can drown in it
But we can’t live without it

My parents loved the cake and the card. I love giving. And doing special things for the special people in my life. To me, this represents mental and emotional health as it gives me so much joy to brighten the lives of those close to me. You don’t have to spend $50+ to let someone know you love them. I spent less than $20 on the cake, cake decorations I added and the card. In fact, the card was $1 but because I had taken the time to find a beautiful quote and write it in my handwriting, I think it is more special than picking up a $6 card with something already printed. It shows I’ve given it more thought.

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Day 13: Saturday 12 Dec

Tim had said last Wednesday that if I’m having issues to give him a call on Monday as he may be able to see me before Wednesday. I called on Monday because my neck was still really stiff and yukky. Turned out Tim was fully booked anyway when I phoned just after 8:30AM. But it would have been 5 or so minutes later that I had a phone call from Nicole, the receptionist, saying she had had a cancellation for 2:30PM if I wanted it. “Yes please.” Although, I’m not sure why I was so excited – Tim gives my neck and muscles a thrashing. Ouch +++! I said to Nicole to keep the Wed 8:00AM appointment at this stage and see what Tim says. Clearly, I still have some underlying soft tissue ‘issues’ that we need to address as he said to me as we finished on Monday, “I think we better keep our Wednesday [physio] appointment.”

My ‘homework’ from Wednesday’s session, in addition to a bunch of stretches and exercises for my neck, was to try going for a swim before next [physio] session. “Just 10 laps, breathing both sides. That’s 500m.” Yes, Tim, I know 10x 50m = 500m! I went for this swim this afternoon at 1:45PM, at Manly pool which has only been open for a few weeks following major refurbishments. It was a 33m outdoor pool, not heated and it was shit! I had been there once or twice before. Now, it is a 25m heated salt water pool, still outdoors and it looks fantastic. I’ve really missed not being in the water. I love swimming. The last time I’d been in the water was on 15 November when I did my Pool Lifeguard Update course, and shit, did I pay for it the following day – my neck was really, really sore on the Monday morning. I saw Tim that afternoon, and I swear, had he gone near it that morning I would have punched him because it was already so sore. It had calmed down a bit though. Anyway, my swim this afternoon felt OK on the neck. I guess time will tell in the coming days if my neck continues to stay ‘happy’ (as happy as it can be!). By around 7:00PM tonight my neck and right scapula cracked it and was experiencing a weird pinching and pulling sensation again. (And it was shitty all day Sunday too, and was no better Monday morning either).

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Day 14: Sunday 13 Dec

In my second PT session for the week, it was Gav’s turn to do some talking – err, I mean, teaching/instructing. It continued on from Tuesdays discussions about overtraining (where he had me Google ‘overtraining in sport’). He wrote out a weekly training schedule for me to address this issue. He says I’m doing too much training given I’m not sleeping enough. Another ongoing concern is that I’m also not eating enough for the training I’m doing each day. So, he has instructed me to wear my Polar heart rate monitor for 24 hours today to get a baseline figure on the calories I burn on a rest day. Here is my Polar heart rate monitor transmitter belt. I commenced the 24-hour study at 7:00PM last night. Total calories burned were 2405. That was really interesting. I wonder what my HR got down to? I’m going to download (?upload) the whole 24 hour file to my computer and find out.

100 Small Steps Challenge: The First Week

Last Monday (30/11/09) I joined in on Linda's "100 small steps challenge." The aims and rules of the Challenge are clearly set out here. There are quite a number of challengers now, and you can jump in at any time - so please leave a comment if you want to climb aboard too because we'd absolutely love to have you as part of our growing group.

Note to self: This Challenge is about taking small steps towards forever change - specifically, in the area of physical, mental and emotional fitness.

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Day 1: Monday Nov 30

For those who are unaware, Les Mills have a bunch of group fitness programs, with the most popular being the strength training based, BodyPump. Every three months a new choreographed routine is released and you generally work on the new release for 4 weeks before mixing it up and going back to previous releases so no one gets bored.

My BodyJam (Les Mills' dance based program) journey started on 20 October and I've never looked back. It's the new love of my life. It's the highlight of my week - I have such a great time. The first time I did it I sucked at it - had no idea what my feet and arms and hips were doing at all. But, as time goes on, I'm getting more and more of the chorey and loving it so much more.

The 7:30PM BodyJam class at Carindale Fitness First was the launch of #51 for the regular Carindale Jammers, however my home club is at Wynnum and I had already done the New Release on Friday morning (also taught by the awesome Adam). Typically, you'll see a lot more people in 'launch week' than usual, and tonight at Carindale was no exception. The room was packed like sardines. Not kidding. And the air con may as well have been off as it was so hot in the room. I was way up the back, in the middle, and one of the other participants said it was even hotter up the front. I had seriously never perspired so much in the period of one hour in my life. I also had never felt I needed so much hydration in the hour or so following the class. I bought this Aussie Bodies HPLC (high protein low carb) bar on my way out of the gym as I knew I'd burned a bunch of calories and needed some energy replacement. * And Gav, the PT is always on my case about not eating enough given all the training I do.

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Day 2: Tuesday Dec 1

My Jam journey started by attending the 7:30PM Tuesday class at my home club, Wynnum. Rach (the senior instructor) team teaches the class with Jazz (Jasmine) and TK (whose real name is Maori and I don't even know how you pronounce it!). Jazz and TK are trainee Jam instructors and are both mentored by Rach.

Over the past 6 weeks, I have been welcomed into the Jam family and am now friends with Rach, Jazz and TK. They light up my life, and rock my world. They truly are the coolest, crazziest, funnest and genuine people I've met in a long time. And they're all Kiwi's (New Zealanders) with obvious Maori blood lines. I'm Kiwi born, but Aussie bred but I still consider myself a Kiwi at heart. Dad's side of the family are from NZ, and Mum's side from Aus.

Here is a pic of the Jam teaching team at the Wynnum launch (well, it was for those who can't make it to any weekday morning classes). From left to right: Jazz, Rach and TK. Love you guys! Peace out to my favourite Jam teaching crew!

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Day 3: Wednesday Dec 2

I've been seeing my physio for the past few weeks for ongoing neck pain. Tim wanted a photo of my sleeping posture as he suspects it could be part of the issues I'm having. I'm not really asleep in this photo! The pic was taken on Tuesday night, but I showed them to Tim on Wed morning.

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Day 4: Thursday Dec 3

I'm currently looking for casual/part time work and today I had an interview at Sea World. The position was a Lifeguard at the (small) water park. I originally thought I was applying for a lifeguard position at Wet 'n' Wild but for some reason my application was forwarded to HR at Sea World. To be honest, I would have preferred Wet 'n' Wild but tried not to over-think the whole thing by telling myself there must have been a reason it was forwarded to Sea World. I received an email the following day and learned I had been unsuccessful. However, I was totally fine with that as it was 84 km one way - a fair hike, and I was told some of the shifts may have been only four hours. I cannot justify the travel for four hours work at the pay rate I would have received. So, all good. I'll keep my eyes open for a suitable employment opportunity.

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Day 5: Friday Dec 4

Whatever Tim (the physio) did on Wednesday really disturbed my neck. It seems my original presenting injury/complaint has morphed/mutated/changed into something different. It started off as being acute, constant neck pain that was aggravated by rotation. Now, the constant pain has gone but my neck musculature is clearly 'unhappy.' Since Wednesday's physio treatment I've experienced a pulling sensation in addition to it all feeling incredibly tight and 'icky.' Tim advised to put heat on it and I use the Lockeroom Pocket Physio to dig into my 'dodgy' bits in my neck as trigger point therapy (yellow is my favourite colour, so I had to buy a yellow one!).

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Day 6: Saturday Dec 5

I've been having ongoing sleeping issues. I have no trouble falling asleep, but I'm consistently waking after 4-5 hrs sleep. Typically at around 4:00AM, although it has been as early as 1:45, or 2:30. Nothing wakes me up at that time. Sometimes my cat, Mishka, wakes me at 4:30'ish but often I wake before her. I've been keeping a log of when I go to bed, when I wake and any sleeps I have during the day. I found this sleeping log online ages ago and I finally got around to finding the file on my USB memory drive and printing a few copies. I'll transfer what I've written in my lil' notebook onto this log so as to better see what's going on.

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Day 7: Sunday Dec 6

Today was my 30th Birthday! Goodbye to the 20's - I can't honestly say I'll miss them, as the majority of the past decade I'd rather just forget for reasons I won't get into here and now. I had a fun-filled day, although it didn't start off like that (again, I won't get started on that - Chelle, you know what I'm talking about, hey). I went down to Surfers Paradise with my parents to meet up with my Aunty and Uncle who were up from the Central Coast (NSW) for a few days (not specifically for my birthday either, by the way). We met them at the hotel they were staying at, then shortly after having a hot drink (not that I had cuppa - I'm not a big fan at all of hot drinks. Never have been. I do enjoy the odd mug of Hot Chocolate though) and brief discussion of what we were going to do for the afternoon, we headed into the town and checked out a few of the ideas my Aunty and Uncle had come up with. One was a place called 'Infinity' which sounded cool and fun. Another was ten pin bowling. Also good but I can do that anytime, anywhere. What appealed to me the most out of the suggested ideas was getting dressed up in a Victorian costume and having my photo taken. And that's exactly what I did. It was so much fun - I had an absolute ball. The photographer was a bit weird though - just a bit... how do I phrase it.. abrupt with her instructions? Anyway, I had fun and I was photographed in the one costume in four different settings/scenes holding the odd prop. The three photos I chose came out so well. I don't view myself as overly photogenic, but I really do like the ones I chose (with help from the others). They were printed in the brown/white contrast (I forget what its called - something beginning with 'C', is it?) and they were ready for my collection in 15 minutes. And, it'll be something I'll have forever as a reminder of my 30th birthday. After the photo shoot, we all went out to dinner to Montezuma's - a Mexican restaurant and I had a chicken burrito. It was so yummy. It was the first meal "off-the-plan" I had had since Oct 19. And to be honest, I didn't want food to be involved in my birthday as I was doing so well with my eating. I wanted to have a party when I got to my goal weight/body composition in four months (or whenever). There's no birthday cake (yet). And I had no dessert - was far too full anyway. The burrito was divine. My only regret was not to have shared my day with my brother - he didn't want to come...

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Stay tuned for Days 8-14. I'm loving this Challenge already - thanks so much Linda. It's going to be like a photo diary.

NB: Okay, so perhaps expect me to write more than two lines on each day in the future! I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for me, and I'm happy if you don't want to read it - no offense taken whatsoever (I don't get 'precious' very often these days). I love writing and reflecting (is that obvious?).

The significance of today in my life

I'm unsure what today signifies in your world, but for me it's very special for at least two key reasons.

Firstly, I will say farewell to my 20's, and turn 30 next Sunday, December 6. Why be scared about it, honestly? I can't change my age. We're all ageing. Every day, every hour, every minute. So, my attitude is to embrace getting older because with it, we are learning, growing and becoming a new-and-improved-version-of-us. Or if we aren't, that is our choice. So, choose to become a better person every day in even a small way. Life is far too short to waste.

Secondly, in exactly 40 weeks today - the time it takes for a foetus to reach full term (which I thought was rather significant!) - I will, together with the rest of Team Mera, commence my epic trek and climb of Mera Peak in Nepal. How can I not get excited about that amazing fact? That's right kids, in 40 weeks today (5 September, 2010) I'll be in Kathmandu, in Nepal. I am sooooo, sooooo excited. I have tons of work (preparation) to put in between now and then, but I have every belief in myself that I can be physically, mentally and emotionally prepared for what is sure to be my most life-changing, challenging and rewarding experience to date. I have a Team of amazing people who are right alongside me, doing all they can to help me get ready for Mera Peak. I'm going to introduce you to those people very, very soon. I have long since acknowledged I cannot get from where I am now to where I need to be physically, mentally and emotionally on my own. It's SMART to ask for help, guidance and coaching. Why? Because I am so committed to summiting Mera and being in the best physical and mental condition of my life. Preparation is the key. Once I arrive, it's too late. The hard work needed to already be done. The more I prepare, the more I will gain from my climb and the more I'll enjoy it because I wont be struggling with every step. The altitude will alone be challenging enough. I'm so going to be a little ball of muscle in 40 weeks time... and an endurance athlete, ready to climb a mountain!

There is one other thing but I'm not quite ready to unleash it into the blogosphere yet. Soon though, I promise you'll hear/read about it right here. I'm well aware I could receive some feedback that may be borderline negative, hence why I am holding back at this time. But, at the end of the day, it isn't about anyone else. This is about me. I have my reasons (the why behind the what) and that is all that matters.

Enjoy today, kids. I invite you to sit down for a few minutes today and contemplate the significance of today in your life. Where are you at with your goals and commitments for 2009? What is in store for you in 2010? What worked for you, what didn't work? Are you a better person now than you were 1, 2, 3, 6, 12 months ago? I know I most certainly am in a much better head space than I was four months ago. And I am fitter and stronger too. And happier. And more focused and committed. And grateful for my family and my health. Sure, I'm always going to have my 'issues' and 'challenges' - but as long as we are committed to working on overcoming them it's all good in my book. I have a few I'm currently working on overcoming right now: my sleeping (or lack thereof), my eating (again, or lack thereof, given the quantity of training I'm doing) and my acute neck pain that has now persisted for almost 4 weeks. It's when we are stagnant that we lose the point of life. I'm the first to admit that about three months ago, I was in a very negative 'place' in my life. I don't want to go back there, ever. And I'm not about to paint a grim picture of what things were like for me then. Although you'll get glimpses of that period in my life, no doubt.

The Seven Summits

In the world of mountaineering, the Seven Summits is considered to be an achievable goal - rather than say climbing the fourteen peaks over 8000m (Andrew Lock - I totally admire you). That is, climbing the highest peak on each of the earth's seven continents.

Asia - Mt Everest, 8850 metres

South America - Aconcagua, 6962 metres

North America - Mt McKinley, 6194 metres

Africa - Kilimanjaro, 5895 metres

Europe - Mt Elbrus, 5642 metres (not Mt Blanc)

Antarctica - Vinson Massif, 4897 metres

Australia - Mt Kosciusko, 2228 metres. (Note that for reasons that probably relate to the extremely low altitude and lack of any technical difficulty of Mt Kosciusko, some claim that the highest peak for this region should be Carstenz Pyramid, 4884 metres, in Irian Jaya for the 'continent' of 'Oceania'.)

(Ref: http://www.andrew-lock.com/seven-summits.shtml)

If mountaineering doesn't excite you and isn't your 'thing' - and that is perfectly okay - what are your Seven Summits? What are the seven top goals you would like to achieve in your lifetime? The time frame is irrelevant and the 'significance' of any or all of your selected seven is entirely personal. Likewise, the 'degree of difficulty' is also irrelevant and individual. Because, as my personal development coach/mentor, Craig Harper, says time and time again: "It's about YOU." Why chase someone elses goals? Why be a copy cat? You are unique for a reason - so you develop your own ideas, opinions, thoughts and plans.

The rationale for me writing about this follows my commitment to climb Mera Peak in September next year with Nick Farr (our leading guide), Cherie Horne (my special friend/trainer in Melbourne) and eleven cool team mates who I'll meet early next month at our first team meeting. But it also comes at a time where I've had to totally re-think where I'm going in my own life. And, to be honest, I don't have any answers regarding what path I'll follow next. I decided to voluntarily walk away from my paramedic career in mid August, not having even completed half of my 12 month Graduate Ambulance Paramedic Program in Melbourne. It was the toughest decision I made this year and I sure as hell resisted it for as long as I possibly could. It literally tore me to pieces. I realised that work just was not meant to be that hard; that I needed to honour my respect for myself and that I needed more time to develop my confidence, communication, decision making and a bunch of other life skills that are not only integral to a paramedic career but also for all areas of life.
 
It's important to have goals, and I'm not going to start on how to set goals and all that stuff. However, it's important to set achievable goals, measureable goals and also goals that challenge you. Avoid setting goals that involve other people. For example, getting married and having kids are both important to me, but I woldn't want to think I'm a 'failure' if they never happen. Remember, the Seven Summits challenge is about you. Once you come up with your Seven Summits, start making action plans to achieve each, one at a time. I must also emphasise how self-destructive it would be - not to mention outright stupid - to attempt the summit of Everest without first having done some smaller peaks. You need to give yourself time to gain all the necessary skills, knowledge and experience to become 'amazing' at your chosen 'thing.' By the way, just because the Seven Summits is just about climbing mountains, doesn't mean your Seven have to be all related too. They can be seven anything's. Also note that it isn't a crime by any means to edit your Seven at any time.
 
So, what are my Seven Summits? As of today, they are (in no particular order):
 

Body composition - 57 kg* / body fat 18-20% (* body fat % to take precidence over body weight)
 
Ironman New Zealand or Ironman Western Australia
 
Mera Peak
 
Become a qualified paramedic
 
Antarctic Ice Marathon
 
Rottnest Channel Swim 2011
 
Mt Everest

I would love to know your thoughts on my Seven Summits and would love to read about your Seven Summits too. So please share or just say hello.

The Three S's of a Good Training Session

I had a PT session this morning with Gav. I mentioned that I sweat like a pig. He said that's a good thing. Then he told me about the three s's of a good workout.

1. sweat
2. smiles
3. swearing

I love it! However, maybe our session wasn't as good as I perceived? Two out of three. "Have you got a swear word out of me yet?" I asked. "No, but I will." Not today though.

The Climb

My head started churning things over (yet again) when I heard an interview on The 7PM Project between Jesse Martin and Jessica Watson. The bit that stuck out for me was this:

Jesse: What makes you think you can do this [be the youngest to sail solo around the world]?
Jessica: I just wanted to do something. I didn't have anything going for me. You just go out there and you try and blunder along and you work out a way to do it. I wouldn't be doing it if I thought it was going to be easy.

and this too...

Jessica: Whatever your dream is go for it. If you really want something you can go out and achieve it. It's going to be hard but you'll find a way.

Thanks Jess. You helped me climb out of my cocoon and start to dream and believe again. I wish you all the best on your trip too. Take care young sailor.

Life is full of peaks and troughs. It has been said many times before that it is the troughs, the lows, that test and challenge you. The test is really 'well, how strong are you?' When I've been through my lows, I have struggled to pull myself up again, and to find the strength within myself to try again and to not give up on myself and what I may have been trying to achieve. But sometimes people come into your life at just the right time, or opportunities will present themselves at a critical moment. For me, it was Jess and this blog post from Cherie Horne: Climb in Nepal with me in 2010. That was all I needed to climb out of my cocoon. I waited patiently for the next post (Mera Peak 2010) and it was when I read about the expedition on Monday night that I had already committed to joining Cherie and Nick Farr on what will surely be the most amazing journey of self-discovery, strength and courage that I have ever had. Climbing any mountain isn't for the faint hearted and this climb is serious high altitude stuff (not as serious as Everest or the other 13 peaks over 8000m).

I want to go. Now! It's been a long, long time that I have been so excited about anything. THIS IS IT. My chance to shine. My chance to challenge myself. Challenge myself to believe in myself. To build my confidence. To grow as a person. To learn about something I currently know very little about.

Thanks Cherie. Love you lots ( )

A death in the family

I awoke yesterday morning and before I got up I read a sms that was on my phone from Mum. It essentially said my Nanna had died overnight. Although it didn't say that as such, she assumed I already knew. I didn't. We have been expecting it for a while now - but more so over the past month or two. We're all okay. We really lost her 10 years ago when she had a big stroke. After that she just wasn't the same. The personality had been sucked from her and also her quality of life.

My Nanna has six children (my Dad is the second eldest) and I'm not sure how many grandkids there are - but there's a lot. We were all so close to Nanna so I'm thinking the funeral (to be held on Friday 24/4) is going to be a huge tear fest. Tears of sadness and tears of happiness - celebrating the life of someone who was so special to all of us.

I've never been to a funeral. Ever. So, yep, I'm rather scared. Not really sure why, I just am. Scared of saying a final goodbye? Maybe. Scared of the whole tearful procession? Yeah, that too.

Thinking about the death of a loved one also triggered a post of Craig's that I read earlier this year called 'Just another life.' He essentially was getting us to think about our own funeral. What would people say about us? What were our achievements, what were our values were, and the kind of person we were. I'm not sure there'd be too much to say about my life right now.

From what I've heard, my Nanna's funeral is turning into a big family reunion. It's hard to get everyone together when everyone is scattered all over the place: Melbourne, Central Coast NSW, Brisbane and NZ. It'll be sad saying goodbye, for sure, but I'm looking forward to spending time with my family too. Makes you appreciate the amazing opportunity we all have to live in the now and to share a part of ourselves with our family and friends.

I want to throw the floor open to anyone with thoughts on whether I should speak or not? If yes, what do I say? Or do I just stand there and cry for two minutes?

Consistent progress

It's one thing to sit down and write out all your goals and make the action plans, but it's another kettle of fish to put those plans into practice and make quality progress, consistently. Making that consistent progress has been my issue lately so I just did a search for 'progress' on Craig Harper's site and found this article: The progress check. The article refers to the 154 days that, on Aug 7, remained of 2008 calendar year. I'll adapt my responses so I'm referring to the remaining weeks of this financial year (that will bring me/us up to June 30). Also keep in mind that I'm referring to the commitments I made in the Commitment Wall post (9/12/2008) on Craig's site (see below).

Jules said...
* setting non-negotiable behaviours
* no more over-thinking and under-doing, no more procrastinating, no more excuses, no more avoiding hard work
* building confidence
* moving to Melbourne to commence work with Ambulance Victoria as a Graduate Ambulance Paramedic
* building social network; creating new friendships and relationships
* PT [client] at Harpers
* triathlon coaching [client]
* sub 5:30 Melbourne Marathon 2009
* Ironman Western Australia 2009
* start weight: 77.2 kg… goal: 58 kg
* save for house deposit

1. What haven't you done in 2008 that you said you would?
I haven't made much progress with my body goals; I haven't learned my CPG's for work; I'm not doing all my scheduled triathlon training sessions; I'm not training at Harper's; not yet got my savings plan happening

2. Why haven't you done it?
I've been procrastinating, over-thinking, stressing, making excuses for why I shouldn't do what I need to (too tired, no time), put too much pressure on self --> paralyses me and I don't do anything. About the Harper’s stuff – I’ve been uber busy with my new job. Savings plan – I’ve just moved to Melb and got to get on top of a few financial things first (like paying the father back for helping me out with first months rent).

3. How have you sabotaged yourself this year?
See above. Also, I've been living in the future and have been consumed by fear; I don't trust myself.

4. How and when will you stop that?
Stop over-thinking, (stop writing/talking about what I'm going to do) stop waiting for the perfect time (it doesn't exist). Finding the good/positive in I just have to. When? NOW. Today. This minute.

5. Why will it be different next time?
I don't want to live my life like this for another moment. It's such a waste. I'm only hurting myself, and pushing away the people around me who are wanting to help me. No one believes me anymore.

6. Are you communicating effectively and productively with everyone in your world? If not, what do you need to change to produce better results?
Communication is still an issue for me. But I am building confidence in that area. I'm working on it. It's a big part of my new job role so I'll get proficient at it. In time. With practice and experience and some coaching from my Clinical Instructors. "Be confident in what you do."

7. What will you do different (to create different) for the next 154 [?80'ish] days?
Do my training
Eat no crap for an initial 28 day period. (Then for another 28 day period).
Read Eckhart Tolle and start living in the NOW
Stop talking, writing and thinking about all the stuff I’m going to do. Only talk, write about stuff I have done after I’ve achieved something

8. What specifically will you achieve, change, create by the end of this [financial] year (and of course, beyond)?
be 65kg
deposit 15% of my after-tax fortnightly income into my house deposit savings account
have good foundational knowledge of my CPGs and pharmacologies
have an amazing attitude
change my eating habits (no chocolate, no bingeing on yoghurt)
change my lifestyle habits
create a social life

9. In reference to your goals for the rest of this [financial] year, what is the absolute best investment of your time and emotional energy and what do you need to let go of for now?
The best investment of my time I can make is living in the now, and doing what I need to do regardless of how I feel (regardless of the ‘motivation’). I need to let go of my fears and my self-doubts. Get over it! They are only my perceptions. They aren’t real.

10. Are you actually prepared to do what it takes, or do you just like the 'idea' of success?
I'm genuinely prepared to do what it takes. I've had enough of thinking about my best life. I will really start creating it. Being amazing is within the realm of possibility for all of us. Of course we each have a different concept of what is 'amazing' but, it is first and foremost an attitude. Then, it just requires 'doing amazing' things - doing what others most. Being exceptional. Doing stuff when others make excuses. Being consistent with chipping away at our goals so we produce the outcomes we want in our world.

11. What's one thing that you can do right now (okay when you finish reading this) to create instant change on some level (big or small)?
Write up a daily checklist with all my non-negotiables until they all become no-brainers

12. How will you keep yourself accountable and proactive when the motivation 'wears off'? When this post is a distant memory what will keep you doing what you need to do?
Provide Craig Harper with (brief) weekly progress reports
Train with Cherie at Harper's at least once a week
Check in with my triathlon coach and let him know how I'm going – reporting what I have/haven’t done
Enter Ironman Western Australia and book my accommodation stuff = committing financially and therefore giving self a reason to do it (not doing it will no longer be an option)
My Amazing Jules Personal Growth Challenge - give myself weekly challenges/mini-goals

The Amazing Jules Personal Growth Challenge

Background

They’re everywhere now. Body transformation challenges. Most are twelve weeks.

Body for Life Challenge

Body Blitz Body Transformation Challenge

Catch Fitness 20 Week Body & Lifestyle Challenge

Ideal Bodies Online

I actually was all set to enter the Catch Fitness one this year but being New Zealand based they decided at the eleventh hour I was not eligible to enter this year. It’s okay though, I don’t need an official challenge. I can create my own. And I will. I am. Now.

What’s different about my challenge then?

It has no end date. Personal growth is a life-long thing. Creating our best body is too. Once we achieve our desired body composition (body fat) goal, we can develop more strength, endurance, fitness, flexibility. The list is endless. Pick a sport and work on getting better at it.

It's not just about the body stuff. It’s about the head stuff as well and the lifestyle stuff. I have recognised ‘performance gaps’ that need serious work to reach the 'standard' (the standard I set for myself).

It’s about me creating my best life. Contrary to some peoples ideas, this isn’t solely about me being a Paramedic, or about me finishing my first (and any subsequent) Ironman triathlons or about me buying a house, finding a partner and having kids. Creating the outcomes we want in my world is a big part of creating our best life. But it has other components too. We’ll explore them as we go along.

It’s about me getting stuff done. Doing what I need to do. Having some public accountability. I am aware of several people (who will remain nameless) who ‘do not believe me anymore’ so I’ll keep quiet and let my results here tell the story of what’s going on in my world.

It’s about commitment. I have a bazillion goals, and even an action plan but do I actually do it? Am I really committed? Actions speak louder than words every time. In my case, it has been inaction that has spoken louder. Not something to brag about.

It’s about me. And no, the whole world is not about me – I’m referring to the process of change. It requires me to ‘do, think, be and create AMAZING’ - no one can do that for me. I am more than capable. I am intelligent. Not uber-intelligent but intelligent enough.

How is this going to work?

While my Challenge may appear to be something I’ve whipped up in five minutes, it isn't. I’ll give you the heads up now that I’ll be making up the rules as I go and giving myself various mini-challenges (assignments if you like) along the way. It – like me – will be a work in progress. So bear with me while I figure what I’ll be doing! The Chief Judge is going to be me. I’m sure I’ll have others around me who will jump up and comment on what I’m doing (or not). I welcome their input and feedback anytime.

Let's start. Now.

Week 1

1. Read Eckhart Tolle for ½ hr, at least 4 days
2. Record food
3. Minimum of 2.5 L water a day
4. Minimum of 1 hour a day studying, learning, immersing self in Ambulance Victoria Clinical Practice Guidelines (CPGs)
5. 1x 45-60 minute PT session (resistance stuff) OR clinical pilates class
6. Complete 100% of my scheduled triathlon training sessions
7. Do something DIFFERENT – something NEW - something involving OTHER PEOPLE (cannot be a solitary activity)

That will do for now. Don’t want to overwhelm myself. I hope I haven't overwhelmed myself more than I need to! Although I do need to push the accelerator down to the floor as quickly as I can. I keep starting stuff and then activate the ABS as soon as I can. I can’t keep doing that. It’s too risky. (As you know, I’ve been immersed in low-risk driving stuff for the past week). Some of the above is real basic stuff. Non-negotiable stuff. Or what should be non-negotiable stuff by now but clearly isn't.

Some key dates on the horizon

23 Apr My first shift on-road as a Graduate Paramedic

6 May My university graduation. Bachelor of Clinical Practice (Paramedic), Pass with Credit. Anyway, you only graduate with a first Bachelors degree once. Just like you only get married for the first time once. You only have your first baby once.

29 May RYL Two Day Program. I really need to put in some serious work between now and then. Otherwise, let's be honest here and say here is little point me even going if I can't create some serious change in one or more areas of my life in 8 weeks. I'm not talking 'lose 10 kg in one week.' That's unrealistic. But give me 8 weeks and that is a reasonable chunk of time. I need to be able to do what I need to do on my own. Start creating my AMAZING body, career, finances, social life. Others cannot help you if ou cannot help yourself first. It's easier for others to help if you're already doing stuff, and being proactive. I want to meet Sue J and EG and others from Craig's site. But I also need to create change. For me. Social stuff is great, but I need to change.

Some lessons from low-risk driver training

This week I have been hanging out at the CFA (Country Fire Authority - a volunteer organisation) Training Centre in Carrum Downs doing some driver training. I have learned a whole bunch of new things including the low-risk driving model, the nine points of scanning, and calculating and maintaining adequate crash avoidance spaces. It's been a challenging week for me. The normal vehicle that I drive is in the medium sedan category so throw me the keys to an Ambulance and yeah, I'll put my hand up (both hands actually) and say I'm more than a teeny weeny bit scared. Why? It's different. Giddyup - it's not just me, it's 80% of the class (a few of them have done non-emergency ambulance transport for a year or two which gives them a desireable advantage).

What does low-risk driving have to do with creating my best life?

A lot actually, when you join the dots. For example, consider the four components of the low-risk driving model.

1. see the hazard
What are the 'hazards' in your world? Are you eating chocolate and icecream on a (almost) daily basis? Are you over-thinking? Are you rationalising, making excuses? How good are you at 'scanning' all 'nine points' for all the hazards in your world? What are your 'blind spots' (things in an around you) and what about the blockouts (things outside you) that could pose as a barrier to a clear view of your world?

2. recognise how hazards could threaten safety
Have you recognised how the above 'hazards' are sabotaging you creating your best life?

3. make early adjustments in response to hazards
Can you implement early-intervention strategies to prevent a collision with 'another vehicle' or a 'pedestrian'? Take that big foot off the accelerator for starters, set up the break let the poor dude behind you know that you'll be breaking (give him a warning), cover the break so you're ready to break if you need to, 'steer to a safer position' - adjust your speed and position so you're out of harms way and can see more ('change lanes', 'drop back a bit', 'adjust your speed', and finally you might actually need to 'accelerate' to miss something). Don't confuse others. Don't confuse yourself. Make it early and be assertive. JUST DO IT. NOW. AS EARLY AS YOU CAN. BE RESPONSIVE, NOT REACTIVE. It takes thought and planning to be responsive. Being reactive equals panic. Don't live your life like that.

4. respond until it's reasonable to resume normal driving
Okay, so you need evidence before continuing normal 'driving' (living). Is it safe in your world now? Clear of 'hazards'? If yes, then continue on.

The big question about being your own coach

I've just been sitting here this morning (and last night) completing my open book, take home exam. I've got one more question to do. Question 13.

Question 13
When 'Being your own coach', how does criticism effect performance? (20 Marks)

Shit! A 20-marker? They clearly want a lot in this response.

The question triggered some self reflection relating to my inability to be my own coach when it comes to doing what I say I'll do, in doing what I need to do, and in doing what others point out to me that I'm not doing. While sure, it's potentially fabulous and beneficial to have coaches, mentors, instructors and teachers sit beside us what is going to happen in between 'training sessions', 'classes' and the like when they aren't there? It's up to us to take what they've said and put it into practice. But it's more than that. We also have to be our own coach/mentor/teacher too as well as the athlete/student/employee. What I've learned this week in my driver training is aimed at getting us to the point where we can self-critisie and identify what we are doing incorrectly, describing the correct way and then being able to fix it next time. Do you observe yourself criticising others driving performance? It's easy, isn't it. How much do you criticise your own driving? Not so easy. There's something to ponder this afternoon for you 'un-trained' drivers. It is also easy to tell your best friend or fellow work colleauges what they should be doing but when do you tell yourself what you should be doing (and actually do it). We can tell others what to do, but when it comes to us it's hard to be objective. So, what can we do? Remove the emotions out of it and be our own coach and be critical of what we could be doing better, what worked, what didn't.

Summary of lessons learned

How well do you receive feedback?
How well do you give yourself feedback?
How well can you implement the feedback into your day-to-day life?

The key is in point #3. Giving feedback to others is great. But 'they' have to process it and put it into practice. Same goes with giving ourselves feedback - we need to then do the same, otherwise what purpose is it serving? We all know 1 + 1 = 2. But what if we really believed the answer was 15. Wouldn't you like to know where you went wrong and how to avoid making the same mistakes next time? Clearly maths isn't a life/death situation like driving an emergency vehicle can be (or even a normal vehicle). Actually, maths can be a life/death situation. In my role as a Paramedic, I will be administering drugs. Drugs of addiction like morphine. I'm gonna need to get that right. Get the dose wrong (or get the drug wrong) and you can kill a patient and find yourself explaining 'what happened' to the Coroner.

Thanks Ambulance Victoria Driving Standards Team

I will continue to work on improving my own driving and how I live my life. These are both life-long things. Not something you can master in one week. The learning starts after this week, when we use it. "Don't use it. Lose it." Like muscles of our body. They waste away if we don't use it. So too do skills like driving and being our own coach.

It's time to go... Jules

No, this isn't Big Brother

I haven't been evicted. I will shortly be heading south, to Melbourne. By choice. It was dependent on a little more than a decision in my head. For those who don't know, I will be commencing my Graduate Ambulance Paramedic position with Ambulance Victoria on Wednesday 25th March. I needed to be successful throughout the selection process that included psychometric testing, panel interview, medical and fitness assessments and referee checks. I had to also successfully complete my undergraduate paramedic degree. All those boxes have been ticked. My recent challenge has been finding accommodation. That has also just been sorted. I’m renting a 1 bedroom flat in Mentone (Bayside).

While I was walking along the Moreton Bay Cycleway last night (Saturday), it occurred to me that I don't have a lot of time left to do what I need to do before I head into the real world. The world where you are not protected and sheltered. The one where you have to be Miss (Ms or Mr) Independent; where you have to work full time and pay taxes; and deal with life's challenges without the parents helping you out (much).

What else occurred to me?

There's some stuff that I'm really going to miss about my intermittent residency at my parents place in Bayside Brisbane. By 'stuff', I mean people and things.

1. My family. Gee that was a no-brainer! And one that requires no further explanation.

2. My cat. I won’t initially be able to take my (almost) 5 year old burmilla (burmese/chinchilla) cat, Mishka with me to Melbourne. It's going to be painful saying goodbye to her. I love her tons. I hope to be able to buy a place in the not-too-distant future OR find a rental place that will allow me to have her indoors.

3. My work. For the past two months I've been a lifeguard at the Brisbane Aquatic Centre. It's been fabulous. I've built some confidence and improved my communication skills. I've also met a bunch of great people - my fellow lifeguards, and some members of the public. A by-product (or benefit) of my casual employment has been staff membership of the gym and aquatic centre. I haven't used the gym much (okay, I’ve gone once!) as I am a member else where, but I've used the pool a bit. I'll miss that for sure.

4. My physio/pilates instructor. Tim has to be Australia's best physiotherapist. Okay, so I could be just a tad biased. He is so committed and his knowledge base is amazing.

5. My gym and my PT, Gavin. How can I get so attached to someone I've only known for err 2 hours (1x 30 min introductory session & 2x 45 min sessions so far)? Easy – I just can. I just did. Gavin is really cool. He’s pushed me heaps and we’ve had fun. I vote that he phrase “I can’t” should be removed from the global vocabulary. If you physically can’t do something now, in time you will, if you want it bad enough… unless you’re talking about something that is physiologically beyond your ability. Anyone can run, anyone can do bench press, anyone can lift heavy things ;) Just how fast and how far you can run and how heavy the things you lift is the question.

6. My friend, Chris. I met Chris through doing pilates with Tim. Chris is about the only friend I have in Brisbane!

7. Moreton Bay Cycleway. I love doing my run/walk sessions along the Esplanade. I use MapMyRun to work out my turn around point so I know how far I’ve run.

Why do we get attached to 'stuff'?

We're emotional creatures, that's why. I don’t think I can do justice to this question so I’ve hand balled it on to my mentor. I’ll let you know if I get a response.


My question for you today is, if you had to move (by choice or need) what would you miss about where you live, and the people and things in your world?

Rules to live by

Forging elite fitness

I came across CrossFit recently via an article from Zen Habits. It made me think that Mikey might already know about it. Him, his whiteboard and his killer circuits! Anyway, the concept resonated well with me. "Forging Elite Fitness" is their catch phrase thingy. I like it.

Principles of living

A little while ago, Craig Harper did a series of about half a dozen posts titled Craig's Principles for Living. Most, if not all, resonated well with me too. One day, I must create my own Principles though, using some of his ones and others.

I found a link on the CrossFit Brisbane site, titled Rules to live by. I really love it.

• Everyday eat, sleep, drink, rest and train according to what your body needs


• Train for the shortest time possible whilst still achieving your training goal
  
• Find people to play with


• Try something new each year


• Do things that harm you less, do things that help you more


• Make a contribution


• Be honest with yourself, your training goals and your performance


• Do something everyday that makes you puff and sweat


• Look after your family and include them in your training


• Never do the same session twice in one week


• Regularly do things that make you nervous


• Find heavy things and lift them


• Above all else, keep moving, and keep trying

It sounds a lot like what Harper teaches too. Stuff Craig says frequently that spring to mind like:

"Instead of doing five swims, five runs or five bike rides every week, do five sessions of something different"

"Do things that challenge you... face your fears... get uncomfortable"

"Be honest (with yourself)"

"Listen to your body... Do I need that or do I just want it?"

Another wake up call

What Craig was talking about today in his post, beyond self-helf; selfless help rang true with me. I need to stop thinking, talking, writing about what I'm going to do. I just got to get the show on the road and start 'performing.' Craig has been telling me this for umm, weeks now. I have read and heard enough to be able to commence working on Project Me. And not just have a half-hearted pissy attempt at creating my-best-life, but give it a real, honest effort. This is not rocket science, brain surgery or even prehospital care. This is just applying basic common sense stuff in order to help myself become a better person. All the talking, thinking and writing in the world ain't gonna turn me into AMAZING. I have to put in consistent effort. I need to look under the bed for those non-negotiables I wrote up 3 months ago (gasps in shock that it's been so long) and live, breathe them like they were oxygen or water - two essentail components to keep us alive.

When enough is enough

Okay, okay, OKAY... I'm hereby making a public commitment that I will have a 'suck it up princess' approach to doing what I need to do every day to 'be the change' in my own world. Craig - see you when I'm 68kg. There is no way I'm going to compromise that agreement that I made with you either. I'm not going to cheat. I've cheated enough. I've had enough extensions, enough chances, enough opportunities... It's time I stepped out onto the playing field and kick some goals in my world.


Soon you'll learn about who and what inspires me to create my-best-life.